Relationship Brain Chemistry - The Honeymoon Period and Gender Differences

Have you ever wondered why it seemed the love you once had wore off? Love seems to fade as the newness of the relationship fades. I will make it easy to understand the brain chemistry and gender differences of the honeymoon period and how to restore it.

I am going to explain the hormones involved in a new found love relationship, and why those hormones change as time passes. Then I will go on to explain how to bring back that honeymoon feeling again. "When we are in love, we feel on top of the world.", says Dr. John Gray in one of his many best sellers, Why Mars and Venus Collide.

Providing for his new love interest boosts a specific hormone for a man. Being taken care of and cared for provides a different hormone boost for a woman. These hormones are usually more plentiful in the beginning of a relationship. When these hormones are bountiful, the stresses in our lives generally may seem less important. When the relationship enters the comfortable stage, the hormone levels go down. Stress begins to rise and, the honeymoon is over.

The Hormone Honeymoon

His Testosterone: In the beginning, the man's hormones are high with the thrill of the chase and the attempt to win her over. This raises his testosterone level and makes him feel a sense of strength and confidence. He will be more energetic, and more affectionate or attentive. He may also feel more attracted to her when his testosterone is not low.

Her Oxytocin: During the honeymoon the woman's hormones are high as she feels protected, provided for and loved. This raises her oxytocin level and makes her feel more affectionate. She may also experience more energy, joy, and be more carefree. She may also feel more attracted to her new partner while her oxytocin level is not low.

When The Honeymoon Is Over

As the newness of the relationship wears off, his testosterone level lowers. The allure of the chase is gone. The stresses of his daily routine now lower the hormones. He detaches himself into what John Gray refers to as the cave mode. As she feels the reality of her relationship and realizes he doesn't respond to her every wish, want and desire, her oxytocin level reduces. She begins to feel unsure of her relationship, maybe even a bit of hopelessness and that spark from her indescribable optimism begins to fade.

Making Everyday A Honeymoon

Even years after the honeymoon has long been over there are ways to specifically raise those same hormone levels. You can bring back those same feelings of euphoria felt during that initial period of the relationship. For the man, he must be allowed a brief period when returning home to unwind from the stress of his day. This will begin to raise his testosterone. He then will be able to be given specific tasks to accomplish that will make his hormones rise even more as he knows she is pleased with his job well done.

For the woman, she needs to feel heard. The more she talks and discusses things and feels heard, her stress reduces and her oxytocin begins to rise. She may want to enlist friends to help with this. Women are better talkers and listeners because of the brains gender differences. As she talks and discusses her stresses, her hormone level begins to rise and she feels more relaxed. His high testosterone and her high oxytocin should make for a great honeymoon all over again.